12.11.05

Disposability

Posted in Reflections at 18:30

Kleenex, saftey razors, pencils, ballpoint pens, paper napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, paper and plastic grocery bags, disposable diapers, disposable batteries, cars, houses, churches, friendships, marriages, pregnancies.

Our culture seems to value short-lived relationships that can be terminated at one’s convenience–whether with a product, service, or person. It seems to me that there was a time when homes, bed sheets, and razors were heirlooms, and a pen lasted one’s whole life. 50 years of marriage hasn’t always warranted applause any more than 70 years of life. I’m not discussing the ecological or economical implications of our way of life, nor am I passing judgement. I use this stuff too, and probably always will. I simply think it’s worth noting that our attitude toward stuff and people seems very similar. Hm.

12.08.05

Funny Things

Posted in Reflections at 19:53

Sometimes we as Christians like to hold on to funny things. We have convictions, some of which are biblical, and some of which are, well… spurious. Whenever we read something that seems to agree with our convictions, a feeling of affirmation stirs in our hearts. Yes! we think. Exactly!

Sometimes our opinions even colour our reading. We take something to be agreeing with our position when in reality it is saying something else entirely, or even disagreeing with us. This happens with the Bible. All of us have denominational (or non-denominational) biases. We are influenced by the people we interact with, the messages we listen to, etc.

For example, some of us get defensive when scholars suggest that a certain portion of the Bible was not written by the person to whom we attribute it, or that it has been edited, or that there is a mistake or human element in it. Some of us try really hard to show that Paul didn’t really mean the things he said about women. Some of us are really sure that it’s a sin for alcohol to touch our lips. Some of us are really sure that prophecy and tongues are a thing of the past and future, but not of the present. Some are convinced of a de facto ecclesiastical hierarchy outlined in the Bible. Some of us don’t like to imagine that God still pours out judgement. Some of us don’t really see anything wrong with homosexuality. Some of us are Calvinists. Or Arminians.

I’m a Charismatic. I’m biased. I’m wrong about some things, and there are times when I like to think the Bible says things it doesn’t really say.

11.22.05

Sprained Ankles and Pumpkin Pie

Posted in Reflections at 23:08

I’m feeling well. I was able to begin running again on Saturday, after spraining my ankle two weeks earlier. I’m still taking it slow, but I feel like I was able to retain most of my endurance. It’s sort of frustrating to have injured myself so early in my training. I hope it doesn’t happen again.

Sunday night I made pumpkin pie. I finished at 1AM and took some up to Jen’s apartment to enjoy with her and Ashley. Since it was past visitation hours, we had to eat it outside. I felt pretty good about it, being that it was my first attempt at a pie other than pecan. I was pleased with the crust as well. I didn’t get anything done over the weekend, as much as I needed to, but I did enjoy myself.

11.18.05

Dr. Wilson

Posted in Reflections at 22:13

One of my professors passed away this past week. It was an odd experience losing someone I saw frequently and had a lot of respect for, and yet did not know well. I learned more about him at his memorial service than I knew before. But I did care about him.

It’s amazing how God ties up all the loose ends. Sometimes even before they come loose.

11.09.05

Santa Anas

Posted in Reflections at 14:47

Some random thoughts in no particular order:

It was especially clear in the San Gabriel valley at the beginning of last week. The Santa Anas blew the smog south, affording a better-than-usual view of the foothills and the deep, autumn-blue sky. They also brought heat. Kind of a weird juxtaposition.
Read the rest of this entry »

10.18.05

An Anomaly

Posted in Reflections at 20:50

I attended a cancelled class today. Sans our fearless professor, we embarked on a journey of educational discovery. (I and three other classmates hung out and talked.) It was enjoyable.

09.20.05

An Expat Netizen

Posted in Reflections at 22:33

I’ve been having an odd experience lately. Once or twice a day I sit down at my computer. I stare blankly at the icon that indicates I have no new e-mail. I press a button and all the blogs I read are organised into a convenient list.

I spend about five minutes trying to figure out what exactly I did when I enjoyed using the expensive aluminum box. Then I give up.

08.01.05

Letting Go

Posted in Reflections at 22:19

Lately it seems like I can’t do anything on my own. More and more, the things I used to do for myself aren’t making the grade anymore. Maybe they never did and I was just too busy working at the next thing to notice. Or maybe I didn’t trust anyone else enough to do them for me. And maybe I’m being so vague that I’m not making a lick of sense.

Mainly I’m talking about the way I respond to difficulties. Call me proud, independent, whatever, but I like figuring things out on my own. Sometimes all the better to get a piece or two of advice to blatantly disregard as I triumphantly conquer my way through life’s difficulties without any help. God never seemed to mind this before. Actually He helped me as I blazed boldly forth, and let me take the credit, though I never noticed His help.

Benjamin Franklin once said God helps them that help themselves. More like, God help those who help themselves, I thought. Then I realised that I fall into this category. I also realised that He does help us. Coz we need it.

God has been challenging me to stop worrying. Something about the question, What am I going to do now? inherently ignores the existence of a God who already knows what we are going to do and is eagerly waiting for me, smiling over me all the while, to ask Him this instead of myself. It’s not like God is saying, Alexander, why don’t you have more faith in Me? Haven’t you read My word? It’s like He’s saying, Alexander, you can do it your way if you want, but eventually you will come to the end of your ability and then you will have to let go and trust Me. You can worry if you want to, but it won’t help you think more clearly.

Maybe I can’t deal with sin on my own anymore either. Maybe I have to trust that He loves me too much to leave me the way I am. And maybe I can’t hear Him on my own either. I don’t think straining my spiritual ears ever did any good anyway. I guess I just have to believe that if He has something to say to me, He’ll say it and I’ll hear. Maybe I can’t obey Him on my own, and have to trust that if I disobey, He’ll still love me help me. I think He already knows everything I’m going to do anyway. Is it possible that He never intended this walk with Him to be as complicated as I make it?

07.20.05

Posted in Reflections at 21:58

Do you ever read something, and then hear God speak? Not exactly like He spoke through what you read, but as though the words you read somehow opened your ears to hear His voice about something very specific. As though the words were alive. The idea behind the words takes on a coherence that looks into your soul and knows you better than you know yourself. The significance of the words’ essence to your circumstances comes into focus, and just then, a familiar Voice begins to talk in perfect synchronisation with the coherent significance, until only the Voice remains. It penetrates all doubt. You are convinced of what you heard.

07.10.05

My Prayer

Posted in Reflections at 01:08

I’ve seen bad stuff happen to people. My friends have faced things I would never want to face. And I know I have it pretty good. My friends have it pretty good. But that doesn’t make their pain any less real, nor does it mitigate the severity of it. I have a vision for them. I see them facing tragedy and loss, physical pain, regret, defeat, hopes crushed and dreams utterly destroyed. But I see in their hearts something like a flame unquenchable. It’s a joy that caresses their cheeks as they grieve, that lifts their chins when they run out of strength to hope, that holds their hands when they aren’t sure they can go on. It’s a joy that brings a weak, yet genuine smile to their faces with the assurance that even in the midst of complete ruin, just as with Job, God can still make the latter end more blessed than the beginning. And that He will do just that.

I’m not prophesying hardship over my friends. Their births did that. I can’t give my friends this joy, because I don’t have it. And it’s not something so simple as salvation, or the baptism of the Holy Spirit, or even faith. I don’t know what it is. This is my prayer: that my friends would be overcomers, filled with the Joy of the Lord, and unbreakable of spirit. Amen.