01.10.06

Tension

Posted in Confessions, Narratives at 19:46

Today I found something in my mailbox today that made me mad. It was the payment for the electric bill I mailed last week. A note with a smiley face was taped to it: Hello! Just a friendly reminder that the price of stamps has been raised to 39 cents as of 01/08/2006[...]

The first thing that occurred to me was that this particular bill was due yesterday. Problem. The second was that I had mailed the payment prior to 01/08/2006. Uhh…Sunday. Yes, I mailed it Friday. Before 3PM even. Isn’t it reasonable to expect mail to be picked up the day it’s mailed? Certainly the day after. If it had gone out Friday, it should’ve had no problem making it down the street by the due date. That it had been returned to me four days after I’d sent it for having insufficient postage, when clearly the postage was correct on the day I sent it, was simply inexcusable. Those Student Post Office Nazis probably saved up several days worth of mail until Monday, just so they could sell more two cent stamps! The note went on to advertise that they were selling two cent stamps. Proof! I prepared myself to explain to the window lady how unacceptable this was, though I thought accusations of stamp-scalping might best be left to speculation.

Then it hit me (it was the Holy Spirit) how ridiculous this was. The window lady couldn’t fix the fact that my payment was late. Furthermore, she probably had nothing to do with the unfortunate situation. I realised that I didn’t have any right to be angry. And yet I was. Why was I angry? Then I understood, and laughed. I was angry because in truth I knew that it was my own fault. I had debated at the time the wisdom of sending the payment by mail so close to the deadline. And acted against my own better judgement.

I think we do this more than we realise. If something is truly beyond our control, there is no reason to be defensive. When we find ourselves defensive, it’s usually because we know it’s our own fault. By feeling hurt and enraged we betray our own guilt in an attempt to hide it.

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