08.01.05
Letting Go
Lately it seems like I can’t do anything on my own. More and more, the things I used to do for myself aren’t making the grade anymore. Maybe they never did and I was just too busy working at the next thing to notice. Or maybe I didn’t trust anyone else enough to do them for me. And maybe I’m being so vague that I’m not making a lick of sense.
Mainly I’m talking about the way I respond to difficulties. Call me proud, independent, whatever, but I like figuring things out on my own. Sometimes all the better to get a piece or two of advice to blatantly disregard as I triumphantly conquer my way through life’s difficulties without any help. God never seemed to mind this before. Actually He helped me as I blazed boldly forth, and let me take the credit, though I never noticed His help.
Benjamin Franklin once said God helps them that help themselves. More like, God help those who help themselves, I thought. Then I realised that I fall into this category. I also realised that He does help us. Coz we need it.
God has been challenging me to stop worrying. Something about the question, What am I going to do now? inherently ignores the existence of a God who already knows what we are going to do and is eagerly waiting for me, smiling over me all the while, to ask Him this instead of myself. It’s not like God is saying, Alexander, why don’t you have more faith in Me? Haven’t you read My word? It’s like He’s saying, Alexander, you can do it your way if you want, but eventually you will come to the end of your ability and then you will have to let go and trust Me. You can worry if you want to, but it won’t help you think more clearly.
Maybe I can’t deal with sin on my own anymore either. Maybe I have to trust that He loves me too much to leave me the way I am. And maybe I can’t hear Him on my own either. I don’t think straining my spiritual ears ever did any good anyway. I guess I just have to believe that if He has something to say to me, He’ll say it and I’ll hear. Maybe I can’t obey Him on my own, and have to trust that if I disobey, He’ll still love me help me. I think He already knows everything I’m going to do anyway. Is it possible that He never intended this walk with Him to be as complicated as I make it?