02.16.04
Busyness
I really don’t understand it. I have more free time on my hands than I’ve had since *before* preschool (not that I remember that far back) and yet I still feel too busy. How can an unemployed kid who gets home from school by 10:30 (AM) and goes to bed at 23:30, and who has no school at all on Fridays; a kid who doesn’t get online in the evenings or sacrifice his life to computer games, who doesn’t have a girlfriend or some incredible social life, not have the time to do the things he wants? Not like incredibly time consuming things. Why do I feel as if I can’t spare two of my thirteen hours to things I want to do? True I put in some time with church stuff. But no more than when I had a full schedule. And the funny thing is, when I had a full schedule, I still found time to do this stuff. Because there’s more of it, it’s less precious. I blow it like nothing.
Would the same be true with money? If I made $500 a week after taxes I’m sure I’d tithe and put in to savings. But would I do wise things with it, like give offerings, bless others, put in for my retirement? Or would I get a T1 and a couple new computers and some new networking equipment and a new acoustic guitar and an electric guitar and an amp and an electric bass and a new trumpet and a lute and an 88-key synthesizer even though I haven’t learned to play my 61-key keyboard? Would I get my own friggin’ apartment and move out of my parents house? Time is more precious than dollars.
Lord, may I never be rich if I cannot even wisely manage my time. Your word says If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5) I thank You for Your grace, oh God, and I ask You for wisdom. I thank You for the abundance of time You have given me, and I pray that You would help me to be a good steward of it. I know my priorities are not right. I haven’t put You first, and everything else has suffered. I don’t want to go through the motions of surrendering to You anymore, but to truly surrender, to repent of my pride, of setting myself up as the god of my own life, and to give not only my past and my future to You, but also all that I am now and all that I have, including every moment of my time. Not that I would try to spend every moment praying or reading the Bible or worshipping, but that I would give the firstfruits of my time to You, thereby consecrating all of it to Your purposes. For, surely, it is not my time or my money that You want, but my heart. I will give You my heart by giving the firstfruits of the precious things You first gave to me. I surrender again, Lord. I humble myself before you and repent. I give myself to You again.
Take my heart, take my soul
All that I have come to know
Take my plans, make them Yours
Let Your wisdom overflow
Take my life
Take my will
Take my world
Take me, take me